G'night all

For me, it's never the physical part that is challenging as much as it is the mental part. The whole time I'm on course I have a running mental dialogue with myself. Typically, the first couple miles are positive with me just getting into my stride but shortly after, and especially depending on pace, things greatly deteriorate to internal thoughts mostly centered around "Why am I doing this?" and "You know you can slow down if you like".

So for the duration I spend my time holding a continuous debate with myself, countering each negative thought with why I need to keep going at my current pace. Ultimately, it comes down to one simple argument. The suffering I'm going through is only temporary and compared to the shame I'd feel knowing that I packed it in, it's just not worth it.

Next year I'll be back at the Shamrock Shuffle. Will anything be different? Hopefully I'll put in a faster time. But I also know Mr. Negative Internal Dialogue won't be far behind. However, to tell the truth, I don't think I'd have it any other way.

~namaste~

Chicago 2009 Shamrock Shuffle 8K
Official Time: 40' 20" - Personal Record by 57"

I got up early in camp Christmas morning, had a brief breakfast, and then got out on the trail just as dawn was beginning to break. The hike to the south rim was just a little over a mile and a half.

Arriving at the south rim I could hear the ferocity of the wind, which was quite deafening, but I didn't feel anything but the slightest breeze. As I walked toward the edge of the rim, staring into Mexico, it became apparent that the wind, which was blowing south over the lower mountains, was hitting the sheer face of the rim forcing it to go straight up and overhead. It was an amazing experience with an epic view.

Today was a long day. Just a little under eleven miles, two fourteen thousand foot summits, some class three scrambling along the Sawtooth saddle, and nine and half hours of hiking.

Tomorrow I'll break base camp in Georgetown and head to Moab, UT for a few days to do some camping and mountain biking.

After climbing Bierstadt on Friday to scope out the sawtooth, tomorrow I'll be heading up Bierstadt, then cross over the sawtooth to the summit of Mount Evans.

This should end up being the most technical scramble of the trip and I'm looking forward to the challenge.

Today was a rest day. After logging thirteen miles on Friday, (summiting Bierstadt and hiking to Barr Camp), and then nineteen on Saturday, (summiting Pikes Peak from Barr Camp and returning to the Barr trail head), I figured I have a little downtime to get caught up on my chores and get ready for tomorrows climb.

I also headed down to Idaho Springs to spend a few hours doing a little whitewater rafting on Clear Creek. Going solo does has its advantages, especially when you just want to drop in on an activity that usually requires reservations.

The rafting was enjoyable; although, a little tame by my standards.

Tomorrow I'm back in the mountains.

So here I am in my tent, cell phone tethering my laptop to the Internets, listening to sound of traffic go by on I-80 composing a quick post.

Watching as the time was ticking by, knowing that I was not going to make Kearney, I grabbed a map from a Nebraska visitor center so I'd be able to find a campsite. Unfortunately, my only focus was to make sure that I was close enough to the highway so I could have cell reception without really considering the consequences of being close to the interstate.

I'm just hoping to make it out of here early enough tomorrow so that I can get into Colorado at a decent time.

Well I'm turning in... G'night all.

As for Portal, it is one awesome game. Yeah, folks have been saying it for months but I'm not your typical gamer and most games just require too much time and dedication in order to complete them. So it's very rare when the general concensus on a game matches my own expectations.

Portal was able to do that and do it in spades.

The length was perfect. The gameplay innovative and challenging. The plot uniquely creative. From the opening introduction to the last song, "Still Alive", in the closing credits I was totally blown away. In a word, it rocked!

Most of my friends during that time thought the store was pretty lame and even now I remember how the owners and employees looked like some of the characters from Revenge of the Nerds, so I guess I could understand their impressions. But one of the employees, who was probably seven years my senior, saw my interest and invited me to participate in some of their role playing adventures (campaigns), which took place on weekend nights.

During that period I played a lot of Tunnels and Trolls, a little Dugeons and Dragons, and some WWII game, which I can't quite remember the name. What I do recall is that I had a great fun and even though the games were a big part of it, I look back now and can't help but feel that being accepted by these older guys was also a considerable part of the attraction.

So a couple of weeks ago when I stopped by my local comic store and they were playing a game called Heroscape, it reminded me of those weekend nights gaming into the wee hours twenty-eight years ago. I decided at my next opportunity I'd attempt to relive a little of those glory days.

This past Saturday I got my first opportunity, and although Heroscape is nowhere near as intricate as those RPG's I played wayback when, it was still thrilling to just dedicate a couple hours moving characters, making attack and defending rolls, and just experiencing the feel of having a D20 back in my hand. Now where'd I put that bag of holding.

To cut to the chase, my marriage is failing and when I returned back from Mexico, the first of December, Nancy informed me that she had filed for divorce.

Reasons? I'm not completely sure I know all of them but she wouldn't have taken the action that she did if she didn't feel she had valid reasons. And although I may not see eye to eye with her on this decision, I respect her too much to try and invalidate her reasons and emotions.

As for me, my emotions are still raw. Having a failed marriage is the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing that crosses my mind when I go to sleep. It haunts me and pervades my dreams. It's my scarlet letter, and although most of those around me are unaware, I now know what it feels like to be headed towards the bottom fiftieth percentile of marriage statistics.

I'm not sure how much more I'll be writing directly about this event, sans some form of legal advice, but as you look through some of the posts going down the road, it'll be quite apparent that I'm flying solo these days.

I'm going to miss not being married to Nancy and being part of a family that I will always love. But in the same breath it's the hand I've been dealt and I'm going to play it out to it's fullest.

Going forward I know there'll be days when I'll appreciate the opportunity to start anew and other days when I wish I could run off and join the Circus. Hopefully, I can find a nice balance between the two until this incredible life change is considerably down the road.

~ namaste ~

*Media Radar points to various types of media, i.e. books, comics, periodicals, television, movies, games, etc..., that I'm currently consuming