Looks Like Rain
But I'll still sing you love songs, written in the letters of your name.I've held off writing this entry somewhat hoping that things would change and there'd be no need for it but that hasn't happened and now as I look down the gun barrel of reality, I realize the only way to move forward is to address it directly.
And brave the storm to come, for it surely looks like rain.
Looks Like Rain - John Perry Barlow/ Grateful Dead Lyricist
To cut to the chase, my marriage is failing and when I returned back from Mexico, the first of December, Nancy informed me that she had filed for divorce.
Reasons? I'm not completely sure I know all of them but she wouldn't have taken the action that she did if she didn't feel she had valid reasons. And although I may not see eye to eye with her on this decision, I respect her too much to try and invalidate her reasons and emotions.
As for me, my emotions are still raw. Having a failed marriage is the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing that crosses my mind when I go to sleep. It haunts me and pervades my dreams. It's my scarlet letter, and although most of those around me are unaware, I now know what it feels like to be headed towards the bottom fiftieth percentile of marriage statistics.
I'm not sure how much more I'll be writing directly about this event, sans some form of legal advice, but as you look through some of the posts going down the road, it'll be quite apparent that I'm flying solo these days.
I'm going to miss not being married to Nancy and being part of a family that I will always love. But in the same breath it's the hand I've been dealt and I'm going to play it out to it's fullest.
Going forward I know there'll be days when I'll appreciate the opportunity to start anew and other days when I wish I could run off and join the Circus. Hopefully, I can find a nice balance between the two until this incredible life change is considerably down the road.
~ namaste ~